Changing Shape

Teen1 has been off school now for five weeks. He’s refused to come to two meetings at the school that will enrol him; he’s run off from the house twice when I’ve been ready to take him to get a new uniform and fill out the Y11 NCEA options. I ask him when exactly he’ll be ready to go to school and I’m ordered out of his room and to shut up and leave him alone. If it is possible, as it would seem so, his behaviour and his arrogance have become worse.

Life is taking on a different shape. I was asked this week by a colleague if I had school children, to which I replied that I had two. Not three, but two. Not that he would have known, but in order to avoid questions I didn’t want to answer, I denied the existence of a third school age child. In that second, I changed the shape of my life a little.

An acquaintance asked how the boys were doing at school, to which I replied, truthfully, they were doing well. What schools are they at, she asked. One at primary and one at high school was my response. Again, there was my denial (lack of acknowledgement) of a third child. Simply because I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to talk to people about the third child (except anonymously of course…!).

I went to the Year 9 Meet The Teachers evening for Teen2, and as I sat there listening to the Dean talk about the school, I was struck at how different my perspective is today compared with two years ago when Teen1 started at that school. Although I was there for my very different, unique, child, I was deeply conscious of how my store of hope and possibility had been eroded replaced with something akin to resigned cynicism. My world has shifted, and I have changed.

And then someone walks into my world and hope is restored.

This week, I met a professional, caring person from the school community who has joined my team, who has made me feel not quite so alone in this, and who has given me hope if not just for my son and what might be done to support him through this time, and ultimately for other kids like him. She’s given me the courage to keep searching for solutions, and to ease up a bit more on the anxiety of the situation. She is a School Principal who is offering to enroll my son at her school, while not necessarily expecting that he is in a mindset that will have him actually attend. So, together we will look for alternative options to guide him through the next phase.

My planet doesn’t feel quite so isolated or unpopulated, or barren. It’s a relief having options and taking some action help to give shape and purpose to what lies ahead.