Zero Tolerance

What exactly, or even inexactly, is zero tolerance ? I asked a friend this week, who has two teenage sons, and she didn’t know. So I thought I’d take a fresh look at ‘zero’.

Is zero like the new white: could be like Resene’s ‘Antique Tea’, ‘Spanish white’, or Dulux’s ‘Gentle Touch’…? That is, white with a bit of a tint added. Neither black nor white, but shades of grey. Zero with a fraction of tolerance added?

Let’s see: zero tolerance on drugs for example. Let’s say I have zero tolerance on drug use, drug paraphernalia in the home, drug dealing by my children. Does that ‘zero’ allow for: I have a strong suspicion you are stoned, but I have to tolerate having that suspicion, as there’s really nothing I can do about it?

Or, if my expectation is that a child attend school and is respectful to the school, teachers and property, but this does not transpire, I am then called on to demonstrate what my zero tolerance looks like? Which is…?

Is having zero tolerance for children not coming home for dinner, or for coming home well after 10pm on the first three school nights of the year, possibly being stoned on one or two of them, and having a referral at school on day 3… look like: dinner not being kept for later consumption, the door being locked at night and entry barred, and toys being taken off the errant child?

Or maybe, zero tolerance is simply stopping engaging with the whole parental boundaries and control issue and letting it all pass me by in a foggy haze of ‘ huh, what, my child did what? …” etc. Could zero tolerance for dealing with thorny teenagers look like my turning off my phone during the day so I don’t have to deal with a phone call from the school? Turning away from any semblance of parental guidance? I think maybe this is something that some people do to cope.

Now I have thought about this I’m wondering if zero tolerance for errant teenage behaviour is a non sequitur, that is, the two don’t correlate. If a teenager is pretty much following the house or family rules, there’s no need to consider what zero tolerance means, but on the other hand, if a teenager is living by their own rules, then zero tolerance means nothing because there’s few or no consequences for unacceptable behaviour.

But then again, if I didn’t have zero tolerance for say, smoking inside the house, then people would smoke inside, so that is a case for sticking with the principle of zero tolerance.

Ok, so I’m confused now! I’ve just demonstrated why I’d make a lousy lawyer.

The rationale for this post then is: I’m dazed and confused already, only three days into the school year when my expectations for a smooth start to the year have already been dashed on the cliff face of disappointment. I can say, however, that this disappointment relates only to Teen1. The other two boys are having a great start! It’s always good to focus on the up side of zero I reckon.

I hope you are operating up in the positive zone too, with your parenting!