o Act early. I’d already been to some other schools late last year, so I had an idea of what other options for schooling I had in my area. If your child is not doing well at school now, find out other options before it’s too late. Knowing this and having an idea of what you want for your child helps when you have little time at a stressful time to give preferences to the MoE. If indeed you have options: some schools in NZ are so remote, children excluded by the BoT have nowhere else to go.
o Let the MoE do their thing in contacting alternative schools. Process is process; bureaucracy and systems are set up for a reason. Schools don’t want to hear from the parents; they are in a lottery for expelling and having to re-enroll other expelled kids, and this cohort of student is certainly not their target group.
o Be pleasant to bureaucrats. They are just doing their job.
o Get help and support for yourself as a parent. There’s free community counseling available and it is invaluable. You need to talk to someone, not in your family or circle of friends. Whatever the reason for your child’s exclusion/expulsion, there has to be a separation between you and the child, particularly for you to develop your own inner strength and ability to cope.
o Get information. If action is your thing (as it is so exhaustingly mine), then call and talk to support services, and ask them to refer you on to others.
o Focus on solutions. You need someone you connect with who will work with you to find a solution that is in your child’s interests, who sees past the ‘situation’ and who looks to the child, not just at the crime, for answers.
o Stop. Sleep. (I haven’t much lately, but it’s good advice).
It has been challenging and confronting to witness the clanging of doors shutting in my son’s seemingly unbothered face. Even though his planet is out of alignment with mine, I still believe the key thing is to try to find points of connection, ways to bring his planet into connection with the family’s. Food helps.
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