Preparation #2

These meetings must take place all the time. There are approximately 350 secondary schools in NZ, with, let’s say on average, 4 Trustees per Board: that’s 1400 NZ parent trustees. There are approximately 4,000 suspensions per annum in NZ, which conservatively means 3,500 meetings of the Boards of Trustees, involving about the same number of families. Plus there are the teachers, principals, counselors, community workers, extended family and friends of the students - that’s a lot of us out there involved in these meetings.

So, what happens? What do Boards take into account across a general range of issues they have to deal with? Is there a standard set of guidelines for submission outlines? Should there be? Are they fair? Regulated? Reported on and audited? (I’ve probably missed reading the BoT reports in the last couple of years). I’ve spoken with a few people who have been Trustees, but have yet to talk direct to someone who has sat on a Board and made decisions about exclusions and expulsions from schools. I guess I’ll meet a few tomorrow.

Some readers have emailed me to tell me they have been called to appear before a BoT meeting, and I’d love more information about what their experiences are, which if you agree to it, I’ll post for others to learn from. Other readers are teachers and principals – please do post a comment which might help parents attending these hearings.

My next thought goes to the students: it must be terrifying for some or many of the 4,000 young people who have each had to go into a room, where there is most likely an imbalance of power, and tell their story. Today, I sat with my son at a drug and alcohol rehabilitation day centre interview and watched him struggle to tell his story. Such was the competence, experience, firm gentleness, expert questioning and professionalism of the counselor, that she did give him the space to express some of his thoughts around what’s happening for him. It was brief, but revealing and painful to hear. He was also there unwittingly (truth be told, I kidnapped him and didn’t tell him where we were going until we got there… ).

If we can think back to our own teenage anxieties and fears, then just imagine what it is like for a child experiencing (extreme) adolescent behavioural indicators, fronting up to a Board of Trustees and the School Principal and having to say something to support his own case. Remembering too that his brain is fried: to quote Nigel Latta - “teenagers : they’re just not right in the head”. And yet, they are supposed to express remorse, and offer solutions and reveal what they are going to do differently. Some will be able to do this. Others won’t. Their empathy gene hasn’t arrived; their prefrontal cortex reasoning ability is askew; there’s an onset of psychopathology affecting self regulation…. Again, “they’re just not right in the head”. I doubt many adults can argue their own defence in court without coaching. I haven’t thought of how to support teens in all this as I’m just starting to think in depth about this whole process.

I’m over preparing myself for the meeting tomorrow, but that is my way of doing things. I will, though, simplify things down to a few key points:

1. I’m there to be an advocate for my son

2. What I know about my son, adolescent changes, and our collective responsibility

3. A future perspective: what the options look like.

This approach is unique to my son’s situation, and it won’t fit all situations, families, belief systems or values. But it is a starting point if needed by anyone, including each of the three other families going before the same Board tomorrow at the same school?!

I’m also preparing a template guide for students: something to help them prepare what they might say. I think they and their families should have something to help guide them. I’ll post it later as it is only in rough draft right now…

My friends ask me what outcome I want from the Board. I simply don’t yet know. Whatever the Bot decides will provide options going forward. They might oust him. They might give him another chance at the same school. What I decide to do after tomorrow might lead us down a completely different path.

But that’s for tomorrow. To all the parents who stand in support of the children: it is our duty, our privilege, our joy and our heartache to bear with fortitude, compassion and love.