Calculated loss of cool

In a previous life - one of corporate and political intrigues, saving the world idealism, playing on the world stage, certain people’s ego and self-importance lighting up office buildings, intense intellectualism from some and shallow self-aggrandising from others, frequent altruism and pursuit of the greater good inspiring the work we did, measurable sustainable successes arising from brilliant minds, long and late Friday night drinks, and large pay checks (ahh, those were the days before children!) – I learned a lesson in losing one’s temper occasionally. Once upon a time, involved in some intense international negotiations, my otherwise commanding but calm and reasonable boss unexpectedly lost it during a meeting and gave a dressing down to one and all, demanding they put aside their differences and get on with the job. It was so well delivered, and so scary, it stopped everyone in their tracks, noone complained of imperialist bullying (which they could well have) and we moved rapidly towards a consensus.

Leaving the meeting, my boss turned to me, a mere rookie in the business, and said, “you need to know when to use a calculated loss of cool, and that you can only use it once with any effectiveness. So when you do so, do it well and be sure it achieves the aim that everyone really wants to achieve but are too scared to go out on a limb and demand”.

Somehow, that reminds me of how I really want to lose my cool with some of the Fockers but each time, have retreated to my default position: all behaviour makes sense; other parents are struggling too; we are all human and should be treated with dignity and respect; and, (this one is my fave at the moment), I am no better or worse than any other Focker!

Which masks the fact that recently, I wanted to shout down the phone to Mrs Focker (and out to the universe to all the other Fockers I don’t even want to meet) and tell her to back the fuck off from my son, from providing him with a ‘safe’ house, and an opportunity to waste away his days and nights at her home. I really wanted to let loose. Yell. Scream. Shout. My evil side slides into view and dances and jiggles in front of me when I am on the phone to Fockers, daring me to display a ‘calculated loss of cool’.

But I don’t. Instead, I go to default position again because I know doing otherwise won’t make any difference.

I believe in the power of collective women’s strength within a community. I believe that all mothers (bar a tiny minority) travel through the same emotional landscape when it comes to raising children. I believe we can collectively help and support each other.

“The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men – from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.” Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)

and one hundred years or so later:

“Some people may call me a feminist… but we need more effort to promote basic human values – human compassion, human affection. And in that respect, females have more sensitivity for others’ pain and suffering…The World will be saved by the Western woman….” Dalai Lama, 2009.

With deepest respect for His Holiness, I hope he would chuckle at my admission of a lack of sensitivity towards the Fockers that occasionally escapes me.

My parenting advice for this blog is: keep cool, don’t get twisted up in others’ complicated lives, and if you do want to lose it, go scream on the beach. I do. And it’s awesomely therapeutic. It often ends up making me laugh. How cool is that?!