Crash and Burn

Here's what parents, particularly mothers, must not do: care so much for others and attend to so many external demands that they forget to take care of their precious Self.

I crashed and burned.  I knew I was running on empty back in October.  By the time I stood in Youth Court in November staring out that window, I was beginning to feel the impact of being depleted mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.  What I had left was my physical health, and guess what? … that soon took a hit too.

It’s hard to keep practicing self care when the parts of Self that sustain how we live in the world are constantly challenged, threatened, abused.  I thought I was managing but the last few years took their toll. I became so focused on trying to hold everything together - as I envisaged it should be - I exhausted myself.  

Ordered into Emergency by my Doctor, I was admitted to hospital, donated vials of blood to the lab for testing on a regular basis, had numerous tests, and was too sick for weeks after a relapse to care much about anything or for anyone.  Medically, it was an undiagnosed viral illness.  My self diagnosis is adrenal fatigue brought about by prolonged anxiety and stress.  I hate admitting it, but there it is.  

My naturopath and herbalist asks me at most of my sessions with her: ‘how full is your cup, Claire?”.  She asks that I visualize my life essence in that cup: is it full and brimming over with possibility and vitality?  does it needing topping up? is there only dregs in the bottom?

My cup of vitality was low. But the cup is not broken, those dregs in the bottom are the seeds for change and replenishment.  I was fortunate that I was sent a gentle message from Mother Nature, and not a life threatening illness. 

My responsibility to my Self and to those I love is to change the paradigm…

... to humm along quietly for a while and not strive to keep the whole choir in tune. 

How have you been humming along lately?