Louise wrote the following to me this week:
You amaze me every time I read your posts, I hope I can deal with my teenagers with as much sense and calm reason as you seem to. I have 8 years before I first find out.
Thanks Louise, but: I struggle with being able to be calm and reasonable. Really struggle. (although it is nice to think I might come across calm!)
image by monsieur j from the eco-salon site
It is writing that helps to bring a sense of perspective to this part of my life experience.
Writing gives me a reason to stop, to take the time to learn from my responses and actions, as well as, hopefully, provide readers with an ‘aha’ parenting moment. It is not so important that readers agree with my approach or not, so long as they get something from it that helps them in their parenting voyage. I write privately as well, and always have in journals and on my computer. I keep a Gratitude journal next to my bed: it is so helpful after a shitty day to have to find the gold in the day and write it down.
Writing also makes me do bits of research into what other words of wisdom are out there and try applying them to my life. Gorgeous things that I appropriate, like living a wabi-sabi (love that term!) life. It keeps me connected with the wider community of thought, and of experiences. It calms me down. Sometimes I write to elevate myself out of the bogginess of it all and in doing so I achieve a deep sense of release: ah, so that’s what it’s all about.
Sometimes I use irony and cynicism to vent my grumpiness about things. Helps get rid of negative energy.
Sometimes I’m not at all reasonable. I can be quietly snarky and judgmental towards people in my son’s Focker circles. I defy my intrinsic nature of seeing good in others. I swear. I get angry. I cry: I really cry, with those deep chest-heaving sobs. Not often, but enough to release the pain. I feel emotion. I feel when it comes to parenting teens that I live in the cracks of life’s surface, not on the smooth calmness of it.
I’ve said before that I want to post about happy stuff. There’s so many blogs and websites promoting happiness, and I am a regular reader of a few – love them! I’m in a profession that has at its core the desire to bring happy back, or certainly to bring deep contentment, connectedness, balance and sense of purpose. Raising teenagers is only one part of my life and it just so happens, I am struggling with it at the moment. I am working to gain or maintain what Louise has suggested I have already: good sense, calmness and reason. So this is what I write about: where I’m good at it, where I’m not and all the cracks in between!
As for wabi-sabi: it’s about finding beauty in imperfection (like the lines on my face). Probably I am stretching things to align this concept with parenting teenagers!! But, don’t you think as parents of maverick teens, we NEED to see the beauty in the imperfection?? Check out Robyn Griggs Lawrence’s book The Wabi-Sabi House and a comment on wabi-sabi living here.
Wishing you a wabi-sabi weekend…
